Tag: weakness

More Gifts of Weakness

Posted on by truedefiance

And the lesson to me continues…

📷: taken by Taron Watters (after we made up), Chiang Mai Thailand

As I drive my youngest to an unplanned dentist appointment, ( I finally put my bra on for this), day 3 of my truly messy bun up in my scrunchie, feeling like I’m coming down with what he has, those dishes from yesterday are still growing on the counter.

He’s in the backseat cause he’s mad at me for correcting his organization in the fridge (that would’ve led to lime juice leaking all inside the fridge), I pop on a podcast I had started yesterday in the cooking flurry. Christy Knockles interviewing Annie F. Downs.

They begin talking about the glorious in the mundane (title of the podcast) or Annie’s words were “your gonna love May” where God spoke this to her and she began looking for God in the everyday because of that word.

I looked out the window as I drove and noticed these yellow flowers popping on the road. Instantly God spoke in my spirit, “here I am, notice me”. And as I passed it I noticed the whole street was lined with them.

I instantly found tears running my cheeks.

Yesterday I was able to receive the graces and the failures and offer them back to him in thankfulness. Could I do it again today?

My heart quietly asks “can today be the same?” Like somewhere deep in there I know there’s gotta be a card tallying up my days that I offer my weaknesses back to God not just my good deeds (aka filthy rags) and I’ve used up my quota. No more opportunities to offer weakness.

Tree after tree is just bursting with yellow. Actually not really my favorite color but why I love them so much is the “meh” that settles over everything in the smoky winter season here has a way of making everything feel drab. But these flowers bloom in this season They reach right out and grab you when all around dulls the senses.

Today God reached out to me in the mundane, when the day was seemingly going wrong and My hopefulness and acceptance of grace was going with it.

“Just look at me, I’m right here” he spoke to my heart.

Weakness as a gift

Posted on by truedefiance
📷: Chiang Dao, Thailand

Do you have shame about your limits?

Do you use “should” a lot to yourself?

I was standing in the kitchen feeling very proud of all that I accomplished:
Cleaned out 2 fridges
Roasted a huge bag of jalapeños
Chopped another bag
Cooked garbanzo beans
Roasted tomatoes
Roasted bell pepper and garlic
Made jars of marinara
Downloaded an app that helped me use my leftovers instead of throwing them away for dinner
Cut up a big container of cucumber
Cut up same for carrot
Watered all the new plants I bought yesterday
Finished the grocery shopping I started yesterday

At the same moment I became sober minded that this wasn’t the full story:

I stayed in yesterdays clothes all day today minus a bra
Hair has been up in a scrunchie untouched since yesterday
Spent 7- 12pm on the couch feeling exhausted from long Covid
I let my 10 year old watch tv all day on the couch
I forgot to move a rescheduled meeting off my calendar
I forgot to put a scheduled meeting in my calendar
I missed said meeting
I didn’t do any dishes I dirtied from the above (there still there)
I didn’t eat breakfast or lunch cause I was too tired
Managed to get in 3 arguments with my children

The second batch are all things I would typically label as failure.

But I stould in the kitchen embracing my gratitude for having a productive time in spite of my physical limitations lately while also being kind and understanding to myself for resting, doing nothing for hours, not engaging my kids every hour or being patient with their disobedience.

I’m human. God made me with limitations. He invited me to rest, and he gives me strength to get the basics taken care of. My body and mind are not capable of the same thing everyday. It’s ok to take each moment as it comes and offer it back to god.

Here’s my rest, here’s my weakness, here’s my flesh.

Here’s my triumphs, here’s what little energy I have, here’s my productivity.

What a good day it’s been.