Do you have shame about your limits?
Do you use “should” a lot to yourself?
I was standing in the kitchen feeling very proud of all that I accomplished:
Cleaned out 2 fridges
Roasted a huge bag of jalapeños
Chopped another bag
Cooked garbanzo beans
Roasted tomatoes
Roasted bell pepper and garlic
Made jars of marinara
Downloaded an app that helped me use my leftovers instead of throwing them away for dinner
Cut up a big container of cucumber
Cut up same for carrot
Watered all the new plants I bought yesterday
Finished the grocery shopping I started yesterday
At the same moment I became sober minded that this wasn’t the full story:
I stayed in yesterdays clothes all day today minus a bra
Hair has been up in a scrunchie untouched since yesterday
Spent 7- 12pm on the couch feeling exhausted from long Covid
I let my 10 year old watch tv all day on the couch
I forgot to move a rescheduled meeting off my calendar
I forgot to put a scheduled meeting in my calendar
I missed said meeting
I didn’t do any dishes I dirtied from the above (there still there)
I didn’t eat breakfast or lunch cause I was too tired
Managed to get in 3 arguments with my children
The second batch are all things I would typically label as failure.
But I stould in the kitchen embracing my gratitude for having a productive time in spite of my physical limitations lately while also being kind and understanding to myself for resting, doing nothing for hours, not engaging my kids every hour or being patient with their disobedience.
I’m human. God made me with limitations. He invited me to rest, and he gives me strength to get the basics taken care of. My body and mind are not capable of the same thing everyday. It’s ok to take each moment as it comes and offer it back to god.
Here’s my rest, here’s my weakness, here’s my flesh.
Here’s my triumphs, here’s what little energy I have, here’s my productivity.
What a good day it’s been.